Okay,No one really saw death and came back to earth to draw or describe it carefully just to give us a healthy perspective.It's out of feeling,faith and personal imagination like one's faith in God.No one saw God so people represent God in the way they thought he is. Same as death,no one can really tell what it's like.How it feels when it happened or where it happens.Well,there are few who claimed they have come back to life.So today,I'm so hopeful and full of life and so I would like to talk about death.haha!
0 Comments
"Eh ano nga birthday wish mo, ano gusto mo regalo" kinukulit ko si Mama kahapon nung tumawag ako para batiin sya sa kanyang 58th birthday. Natigilan sya at mukhang matagal bago sya sumagot ng " Wala. Di ko Alam". Bakit wala, meron yan. Malay mo kaya kong ibigay. "Wag lang magtanggal ng uban nyo buong araw dahil mas malabo na po mata ko kesa inyo", pabiro kong sabi sa kanya. " Ewan ko. Wala akong maisip. Imbes na gagastos ka, ipunin mo na lang yan para magamit mo pa sa mas kailangan mo" ang payo nya sa akin.
" Sus,Weh, di nga. Pang Beauty Pagent lang ang sagot? Mama talaga, nahiya ka pa. Ayaw mo pang sabihin eh gustong gusto mo chocolates noh" Natawa na lang sya. Yes, napatawa ko si mama! Achievement sa akin yun. Isa kasi yun sa birthday wish ko sa kanya last year.Matagal na ding panahon na di ko nakita o narinig na tumawa si mama. Sinikap kong iimagine ang matamis nyang ngiti habang kausap ko sya. " yiii, chocolate lang pala magpapasaya sa 'yo. Cheap ni mama. Tawanan ulit. Ayan, labas dimples nya dahil nakarinig ng chocolate" ang panunukso ko sa kanya. Sometimes,in the the most silent moment,I can hear the loudest thoughts from a far.At times,I can hear my voice from the inside of my head.But I am not mentally unstable.I'm fine really.Maybe,I suppose? Gosh,I'm doubting myself.
Right.Before I start,I want to let you know I'm not doing this to explain myself because I don't owe anyone an explanation. Ooops,look at me I am already explaining! Isn't it ironic how sometimes we say things in a funny way? Why? probably to be safe and to sound neutral and more acceptable.It's like saying "I am fine" but I am not in reality.It's like replying with a smiley but deep inside " I am melting in sadness". When I say " I don't care" is probably one of the most ironic thing people loved saying but doesn't mean it actually.Most people who usually say they don't care actually care a lot.Why would they brought it up in the first place if they don't care? It's like a defense mechanism like sort of a mask we wear to protect us from any attacks.Maybe as a way to boost our ego? I don't know why we do that. Did someone ever tell you they look up to you? (not Kim Kardashian or Miley Cyrus,not even a celebrity but YOU) It's the best feeling in the world isn't it?
If a family member or a close friend who knows everything about you yet still tells you they look up to you and is always so proud of you,I think that's the best compliment in the whole wide world.Well,for me I think it is.Or maybe I'm biased. Let me tell you why... Our family or those we are close with are the only people who know our worst and every bit of annoying things we do.So when a family member or someone who knows all all about me including my ugliness but still tells me she look up me.It means the world to me! So when my sister told me that she look up to me and that I am her role model and sometimes I hear my mama talk proudly about me secretly to people and it makes makes me feel like I'm in cloud 9.For me,that's an accomplishment that the first people who looks up to me is my family. I kept thinking if I ever deserve to be that person they can ever look up.I have achieve nothing much career wise and I'm so much flawed in everything .I don't have skills,I can't sing or dance.I basically have nothing to boast about.That's why I never thought I can ever be that person my sister can look up to.I'm not bright or super cool.I didn't have impressive achievements to brag about. Turns out she looked up to me for my resilience and persistence in life.She's now experiencing almost the same struggle and pain I've had dealt with when I was her age and every time she wanted to give up all together,she thinks of me and how far I've gone and that gives her hope that things will get better eventually. To anybody out there who feel like giving up.Who felt you have lived a series of disappointments.Who felt like nothing matters anymore.Brace your self and keep moving forward.The fact that you are alive today is a strong message to the world. I learned that life isn't all about how successful career and how much you earn.To students,your future isn't measured by your class cards. Even.Even your teachers doesn't have the right to mark and predict your future.Your future depends on your own attitude and your ability to never give up when all else fails. Out of experience,I assure you things will surely get better.It's just a matter of positivism. |
This happens when I try to rest my mind but I keep thinking and I seem to keep remembering what I have been thinking and I ended writing them.
Contains all my personal blogs whilst contents are very subjective so ..
Archives
October 2015
MY OWN BLOGS
All
|