I woke up as usual going through facebook and twitter.On Facebook,all I can see are all about ALDUB.Everyone rejoiced because finally,Yaya Dub and Alden gets to see each other in broadway,only Yaya Dub was kidnapped! No,I didn't watch any of it.I just based my conclusion on the articles or status I've read.I must say,this is one kind of phenomenal approach to Philippine TV.I'm curious though if this will ever work if other countries adopt this concept because it's popularity has something to do with our culture and social morals too. So anyway,I'm somehow thankful I don't have tv or was I one of those infested with the addiction.I must say it must be really good because regardless of age,social status and gender,everyone was really into it making it trend on twitter worldwide reaching almost 5million tweets.That's hoe big our population is and also that's how very involved we are in social media.
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It's pretty understandable why lots of my folks moved out for greener pasture.There's not much job opportunities offered back home.Those businessman that were left behind runs a business for decades and have been a business of their family. Some were just manning their relatives' business who were either based abroad or residing in city.
She was so scared and her eyes were puffy from crying hard.They have been moving from one place to another and she doesn't have any idea what's happening.Her dad had to put her under the care of some stranger.Her dad instructed the the young man to look after her while he's gone. She was crying clutching on her daddy's arm pleading him to take her with him.
"Daddy,I'm scared.Please don't leave me here"the girl pleaded in between sobs.Her dad looked her in the eye and kissed her in the forehead.He promised her everything will be fine,he needed to talk to a tribal leader.The girl cried harder while her dad wiped her tears ."Sweetie,I just need to talk to someone " he was pointing to a heavily tattooed man wearing a g-string impatiently waiting nearby.The man was holding a sharp pointed spear on his right hand."Just wait for daddy,I'll be just near you okay?" his daddy assured her.Her dad kissed her and went to meet the tribal leader waiting impatiently. INSPIRATION
I can draw inspiration easily from so many sources.It could be in the form of music,books I've read (fiction or non fiction),tv shows and movies or any kind of film,news reports,people I have encountered or randomly met and stories I get to hear at times.It could also be in the form of misheard lyrics or people just passing by.I can even draw inspiration from an insult I get from a customer at work. When you see me blooming or unusually perky than yesterday it doesn't automatically mean I am in love because my source of inspiration is endless and I am easily randomly inspired. MOTIVATION But motivation to actually live and not just be alive and existing? The fact that I have made it this far and have no idea what happens tomorrow and the day after motivates me to just keep going.Time is a big motivator.When I wake up and realized I'm a day older from last night I make a pact to myself to seize the day and live. Faith of all things motivates me.Faith in God and faith in humanity.Faith in the existence of goodness and kidness.Faith that tomorrow will be fine as it has always been for the past 29 years.Faith motivates me deeply to just keep going. WHAT MOTIVATES ME TO WRITE? WHY WRITE? The thought that I can write all these things and then one day read them again over and over excites me.The excitement I get from reading everything I have written even on a really bad day.The feeling of nostalgia it gave me reading all the short stories I have written five or ten years ago. Everything I have writen reminds me to keep going specially when things are hard and unbearable.It reminds me that it's totally ridiculous to have endured this far only to give up at this moment. I write pretty much everything because it is what keeps me going the most.To some people,they thought I am just a loner who can't just communicate.Maybe they are right but also they are wrong. I write to settle my rage.I write to document my joy and happiness.I write till I feel better.I write because it is like the source of my life.It is my best stress reliever.It calms me.It keeps me sane.It makes me reflect before saying anything.It is pretty much my life like a food giving me strength to keep moving on. "Support her and stand by her but let her make her own decisions.Let her fail and succeed on her own.Just let her learn from her own experiences but always be there no matter what"Miss, lipat ka na lang sa kabilang jeep, ako bahala sa 'yo" 3am na naman. Habang ang karamihan ay nasa kasarapan ng tulog, ako ay papasok na sa trabaho. Sa loob ng limang taon, ngayon lang ulit ako nagkaroon ng shift na madaling araw. Sumakay ako mula Don Antonio ng jeep na may " Zabarte/ SM FAIRVIEW" na signboard. May mga pitong pasahero ang jeep nung sumakay ako pero pagdating sa Litex, ako na lang ang sakay. Sinabihan ako ng driver na kailangan daw nya ako ilipat dahil lugi daw sya sa gasolina pag ako lang ang sakay. Gusto kong manumbat, gusto kong sabihin sa kanya na OA naman ata ang expectation nya na dapat punuan ang jeep sa madaling araw! Pero maaga pa at ayokong masira agad araw ko kaya tahimik akong sumunod sa kanya. Hindi lang ito ang unang pagkakataon na naglilipat sila ng pasahero.Madalas gawain yan ng mga drivers sa madaling araw. Naiintindihan ko naman yung part na magastos sa gsolina pero kasama yun sa challenges kapag pumapasada sa madaling araw. Okay lang sana sa akin kaso bukod sa di nya inabot bayad ko sa kabilang jeep na lilipatan ko, di pa nya binigay sukli ko. Di ko agad naisip kunin dahil nawala sa isip ko. Isa pa , mabilis humarurot yung jeep pagkababa ko . Lipat ako sa kabilang jeep. Nung iaabot ko na sana ang bayad ko nasa bandang Dona Carmen na kami nung napansin ko, yung driver pulang pula ang mga mata tapos kung ano ano pinagsasabi tapos tatawa na lang bigla.Saka ko lang tinignan mga kasama kong pasahero, apat na mga lalake yung dalawa lasing na lasing. Bigla akong kinabahan. Usap sila kasama driver. Kantyawan, tawanan. Mukhang magkakakilala silang lahat. They say a picture paints thousand words and I say words can create a magnificent canvas.I may not be much into pictures but I my picture are not images but words.They are all made of words. A stranger online once asked me to send a photo of myself to know me better and of course I declined. It's not because he might find me ATTRACTIVE ( ahem) but for morality and security purposes of course.
He asked me then if I want a photo of him as he thought he might have offended me.I didn't. Instead, I asked him to describe himself in words. Besides, I don't trust photos these days because they can be deceiving due to photoshop and camera tricks. I asked him to write all his thoughts on certain issues. I asked him to describe himself instead of a picture. I asked him to rell me about his country, his hometown and what his relationship is like with his family. I asked who and what he believes in. What makes him mad and what makes him happy. I wanted to know the person behind the picture. Okay,No one really saw death and came back to earth to draw or describe it carefully just to give us a healthy perspective.It's out of feeling,faith and personal imagination like one's faith in God.No one saw God so people represent God in the way they thought he is. Same as death,no one can really tell what it's like.How it feels when it happened or where it happens.Well,there are few who claimed they have come back to life.So today,I'm so hopeful and full of life and so I would like to talk about death.haha!
"Eh ano nga birthday wish mo, ano gusto mo regalo" kinukulit ko si Mama kahapon nung tumawag ako para batiin sya sa kanyang 58th birthday. Natigilan sya at mukhang matagal bago sya sumagot ng " Wala. Di ko Alam". Bakit wala, meron yan. Malay mo kaya kong ibigay. "Wag lang magtanggal ng uban nyo buong araw dahil mas malabo na po mata ko kesa inyo", pabiro kong sabi sa kanya. " Ewan ko. Wala akong maisip. Imbes na gagastos ka, ipunin mo na lang yan para magamit mo pa sa mas kailangan mo" ang payo nya sa akin.
" Sus,Weh, di nga. Pang Beauty Pagent lang ang sagot? Mama talaga, nahiya ka pa. Ayaw mo pang sabihin eh gustong gusto mo chocolates noh" Natawa na lang sya. Yes, napatawa ko si mama! Achievement sa akin yun. Isa kasi yun sa birthday wish ko sa kanya last year.Matagal na ding panahon na di ko nakita o narinig na tumawa si mama. Sinikap kong iimagine ang matamis nyang ngiti habang kausap ko sya. " yiii, chocolate lang pala magpapasaya sa 'yo. Cheap ni mama. Tawanan ulit. Ayan, labas dimples nya dahil nakarinig ng chocolate" ang panunukso ko sa kanya. Sometimes,in the the most silent moment,I can hear the loudest thoughts from a far.At times,I can hear my voice from the inside of my head.But I am not mentally unstable.I'm fine really.Maybe,I suppose? Gosh,I'm doubting myself.
Right.Before I start,I want to let you know I'm not doing this to explain myself because I don't owe anyone an explanation. Ooops,look at me I am already explaining! Isn't it ironic how sometimes we say things in a funny way? Why? probably to be safe and to sound neutral and more acceptable.It's like saying "I am fine" but I am not in reality.It's like replying with a smiley but deep inside " I am melting in sadness". When I say " I don't care" is probably one of the most ironic thing people loved saying but doesn't mean it actually.Most people who usually say they don't care actually care a lot.Why would they brought it up in the first place if they don't care? It's like a defense mechanism like sort of a mask we wear to protect us from any attacks.Maybe as a way to boost our ego? I don't know why we do that. Did someone ever tell you they look up to you? (not Kim Kardashian or Miley Cyrus,not even a celebrity but YOU) It's the best feeling in the world isn't it?
If a family member or a close friend who knows everything about you yet still tells you they look up to you and is always so proud of you,I think that's the best compliment in the whole wide world.Well,for me I think it is.Or maybe I'm biased. Let me tell you why... Our family or those we are close with are the only people who know our worst and every bit of annoying things we do.So when a family member or someone who knows all all about me including my ugliness but still tells me she look up me.It means the world to me! So when my sister told me that she look up to me and that I am her role model and sometimes I hear my mama talk proudly about me secretly to people and it makes makes me feel like I'm in cloud 9.For me,that's an accomplishment that the first people who looks up to me is my family. I kept thinking if I ever deserve to be that person they can ever look up.I have achieve nothing much career wise and I'm so much flawed in everything .I don't have skills,I can't sing or dance.I basically have nothing to boast about.That's why I never thought I can ever be that person my sister can look up to.I'm not bright or super cool.I didn't have impressive achievements to brag about. Turns out she looked up to me for my resilience and persistence in life.She's now experiencing almost the same struggle and pain I've had dealt with when I was her age and every time she wanted to give up all together,she thinks of me and how far I've gone and that gives her hope that things will get better eventually. To anybody out there who feel like giving up.Who felt you have lived a series of disappointments.Who felt like nothing matters anymore.Brace your self and keep moving forward.The fact that you are alive today is a strong message to the world. I learned that life isn't all about how successful career and how much you earn.To students,your future isn't measured by your class cards. Even.Even your teachers doesn't have the right to mark and predict your future.Your future depends on your own attitude and your ability to never give up when all else fails. Out of experience,I assure you things will surely get better.It's just a matter of positivism. "Sa Fairview po tayo",ang mahina kong sagot sa taxi driver nang tanungin ako kung sa'n kami. Pagka andar ng makina, sinabihan agad ako na ilock ang pintuan para daw iwas sa "bukas pintuan gang". Mejo kinabahan ako pero di ko na lang halos pinansin dahil ansama ng pakiramdam ko at kailangan ko habulin oras para di ako ma-late sa trabaho.
Mejo may edad na ang taxi driver at mukhang mabait naman kaya pinili kong pagkatiwalaan sya.Hindi mo rin masisisi kung bakit laging may pagdududa sa mga pasahero pag sumasakay ng taxi dahil na rin sa talamak na balita ng kasamaan araw araw. When I feel bored and lifeless I just go online and read a lot of stuff about different approaches on how to be of positive influence and how to love yourself.There are so many tips provided such as ignore those who can't love you.Stay away from someone who keeps reminding you that you drink too much coffee.Love yourself.If they cannot accept you for who you are,then let them go.Do not mind them.Etc.Seemed good advice isn't it? It got me thinking lately,how come people mostly speak about self love,acceptance,confidence and everything centered on themselves. It's confusing when there are many advice available but still,after trying most of them,you feel unsatisfied,sometimes it even gets worse. One downside of following other people's advise is when you followed their advice and you finally made some progress,one day they look at you like someone who came from outer space.They now claim they don't recognize you after.You are finally the person they wanted you but now they come to you are a totally different person now! What the heck! You expected me to change for you and when I did you give me that drama?
I admire vocal people.I admire people who actually step outside their comfort zone and fearlessly try new things from time to time.I admire people who know their rights and will do everything to fight for their rights.I appreciate them.But what I don't appreciate are people who think they can speak for everyone in this world always. I have a different culture and moral values from anyone else in this world.I don't take it negatively when someone tells me to change out of care.I would appreciate that hugely. I have a friend who literally count how many cups of coffee I have each day to make sure I don't over consume because it's one of my weaknesses.I appreciate that. There's obviously differences in culture around the world.Lots of people from the west are known to be frank,outspoken and very independent.I admire that so much.What really saddens me is the amount of disorders or depression we suffer from. Someone asked me once,"What are you scared of the most in your life? I was taken a back at first.I started thinking deeply and million little things come to mind.I cannot figure out which one do I fear the most.As it turned out,in summary the only thing that I'm scared the most is the UNCERTAINTY of life.
Rizal, ang aking Valentine date. Eto ang pamagat ng love story ko na inuumpisahan ko nang isulat.Yun nga lang, "unrequited love" dahil bukod sa matagal nang patay si Rizal eh baka pagkamalan akong may sakit sa utak Ibinuhos ko ang maraming oras kaka-stalk sa buhay ni Rizal para naman may maisagot akong matino sa napakahabang MIDTERM EXAM sa school.Napagod ako at nakatulog kaya naman, paggising ko Febuary 15 na. May na miss ba ako bukod sa kahapon?
Ah, Camera....What power does it have that makes people smile automatically when being photographed?
It's like an automatic serum where you give your best smile once the camera is on you. Unless you are awkward in camera's then that's a different story. Who would not love a person who smiles a lot anyway? We are willing to spend money to be entertained. We love people with sense of humor. Everyone loves to hear and see something that would make them smile and laugh. They say a smile is very INFECTIOUS. If it is then it's a good disease to spread and get everyone be infected with specially in a very stressful work environment. There's really one person that I have been longing to see her smile, my mama. I rarely see her smile and laugh and every time I see her smile, it melts my heart. It's one of the best satisfying feeling in the world specially when I see her dimples shows up when smiling and her perfect dentures showing up. I know what to do,I'm going to get a camera and go home on her 60th birthday and get tons of photos of her til I see her rare smile that shows of her beautiful dimples. Once upon a time,there was a little girl named Aguinaya who lived in the woods.She is sensitive,unloved,fragile little girl who met the most kind fairy good mother when she tried to get out of the forest against her mother's wishes.
The kind fairy godmother asked the little girl why she's running from home.In an almost pleading voice,Aguinaya asked the fairy godmother to help her attend school and finish College because her mother don' want her to study at all. The little girl had lived her childhood life reading books and imagining herself in those stories she read.She would write about them and recreate the story in her head.She dreamed of becoming a poet or a writer.She dream of becoming a doctor.She dreamed about lots of things.She always wondered what it's like to be on the other side of the mountain. I'm starting to think,in today's generation If you are good looking,smart and woman with a class,then people in general will give you a VIP treatment most of the time.
However,make one mistake and they get shocked and start judging your life.When you are that perfect,society treats you like there's no room for mistake.When you suddenly get wrinkles or pimples because God forbid you got older,people glare at you like you committed a crime. I have no scientific basis here but this is my observation in general specially when watching random celebrity interviews or when reading the headlines. If you are pretty but dumb,you'll be a laughingstock.Some people you taught were your friends just used you and then just watch you make one mistake after the other and just watch you stumble then they laugh more.In their mind,you are a typical beauty without brains. It's payday! After a day or two,you don't have any cash left and you have that terror look with the big question "What happened,When,why,how".
You try your best to remember where you use your money and it got even more painful. You use three fourths of your money to pay all your debts and bills due for the month,sometimes it's not even enough to pay everything! So month after month,you are working to pay your debt.Your salary is not enough.Then,you start considering getting maybe a second job,or maybe seek promotion or worse thing,some people consider selling one of their kidneys or just sell blood. You might have achieve your goals,but at the end of the day,debts are still piled up.You are so stressed,you don't get enough sleep.You have lesser time with your family. When are you going realize that it's never the answer to your problem.I have known very hard working people in my life who never get rich.Yes,they have high paying and stable jobs but it's still never enough. What's going on? They spend way too much more than what they earn! We call it " luho" or "abubot" specially for women who loves shopping and buying things we don't actually need. Today,I have the most wonderful and meaningful dream.It's not like one of those half dreams or the kind where you wake up and you have no idea what you dreamed about. This one felt like there's a story to tell and it was totally finished before I woke up.
In my dream,I decided to treat my brother Gerner in a certain crowded familiar bar,one of my favorite place to eat somewhere familiar near this place but no idea what the bar's name is. When our orders arrived,for some reason my brother was craving for bread.I was also craving for pande manila's ensaymada so I gave him money so he can buy us bread.I specifically instructed him what it looks like,he don't get it so I just told him to buy me pandesal instead. While waiting,I'm eating on my own as people come and go.It was actually crowded meaning the place must be popular as they have lots of customers. “When reading, we don’t fall in love with the characters’ appearance. we fall in love with their words, their thoughts, and their hearts. we fall in love with their souls.”
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This happens when I try to rest my mind but I keep thinking and I seem to keep remembering what I have been thinking and I ended writing them.
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