It's pretty understandable why lots of my folks moved out for greener pasture.There's not much job opportunities offered back home.Those businessman that were left behind runs a business for decades and have been a business of their family. Some were just manning their relatives' business who were either based abroad or residing in city. Kiangan is not an ideal place in terms of sports,recreational activities and career growth to be frank. I think that our local tax isn't even enough to compensate needed budget for local projects. Even the small tax taken from vegetable vendors doesn't make any sense.I don't think that is even a decent collection considering vendors diminish too.In fact,the market we once have when I was younger wasn't the same anymore.It's almost empty and vegetables are rare. I pity and adore my town all together.I pity that people have to abandon it for greener pasture. I pity that more and more concrete big houses are increasing with no one living on it. Fields and gardens were full of cogon grass.The golden fields I use to weed were replaced with weeds but I adore how it was still unpolluted and conservative and hailed as the healthiest. Lifestyle had majorly been heavily influenced by urban life.They already have easier access to internet and almost every kid have smart phones. With mass media taking over, it was a total disaster because we are a culture that aren't exposed much to talking and now with the influence of social media, the chance of having some decent conversation is really almost hopeless. To an outsiders perspective, my friend has this general impression the first time I tour her around; For her, our skill and ability to socialize is very poor because a lot cannot express themselves fully in a more civil way.Either you get a very sarcastic remark or a cold treatment.We communicate very coldly.We talk like we are trying to devour the person we are talking with but that's natural. She was actually scared the first time but I have to explain we have our own way in communicating, she's not just use to it. But I agree with her observation though. And growing up in this culture is of course very hard for me when I came to the city.Parents doesn't have this wider knowledge or exposure to change.They are uneducated and very conservative that when their kids embrace these social changes,it causes clash between a parent and a child. We used words negatively more often.If we did something great,we don't get a good job or a verbal acknowledgment but if we did something wrong,we get yelled at it. The concept of eldership at home is being abused when older brothers used their position to order around their younger siblings.Most parents physically discipline us when they get upset or frustrated instead of explaining what they wanted to see and how they wanted to see us change.For older siblings, it seemed natural to just hit their younger siblings to correct the action instead of trying to talk things out and it goes with parents. People socialized by drinking during wake,weddings and other social gatherings.Too bad,there's not much discipline when it comes to drinking.The societal issues are endless not to include the challenges in our culture. Family problems are even bigger and if you are in my position who have gone through a lot but finally get over ten years later,you wish you can impart that change to them as well.You wish you can do everything in your power to change people but you can't. All you could do is to inspire them to be better.You cannot change them but you can live your life awesomely that when people look at you,they wanted to change in a good way.They don't just envy you but you help them realized they too can be better in their own way.
My going home this year is more of a reflection.I stayed home.I didn't go anywhere.Next time when I go home, I will go outside and give some random hugs for everyone I meet on the road...for a change. And make things awkward. I'll prepare myself for tons of awkward reactions!
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This happens when I try to rest my mind but I keep thinking and I seem to keep remembering what I have been thinking and I ended writing them.
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