Vice: She's also half breed (refering to badot na friend) Richard: Anong breed? Vice: She's half pitbull,half shitzu.In short BULLSH*T
FVR, Cory and Erap, are about to be executed in front of a firing squad. Each of them is blindfolded and given the chance to call upon the forces of nature to save them. The executioner starts the countdown: ‘10, 9, 8,….’. FVR shouts, ‘Flood!’. In a sudden, a big wave came. FVR was able to escape because of the commotion. It’s Cory’s turn. She shouts: ‘Earthquake! ‘. The people watching the execution panicked. She was able to escape. Erap was wondering what calamity to call. The executioner started counting again: ‘10, 9, 8, 7….’. Erap had a mental block. ‘5, 4, 3, 2, 1…’ Erap shouted: ‘Fire!’. * * * * * * * * * * * * * IN LABOR One particular day many years ago, Erap’s wife was having labor pains. Erap panicked so he called their doctor. Erap: Hello, doc. My wife is in labor! Doc: Is she in a lot of pain? Erap: Yes, doc! Doc: Is this the first baby? Erap: No, doc. This is Erap! * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ANOTHER EXAMPLE Teacher: (talking to ERAP) Can you give me an example of a beast of burden? ERAP: Carabao, ma’am! Teacher: Very good, ERAP. Can you give another example? ERAP: How about another Carabao? * * * * * ** * * * * * * * * * * In an emergency room… Erap: Doctor! Doctor! I swallowed a bone Doctor: Are you choking? Erap: No, I’m serious!!! * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Erap while still in Gradeschool: Teacher: What is 5 plus 4? Erap: Eh, di 9. Teacher: What is 4 plus 5? Erap: Gagaguhin ninyo pa ako, eh binaligtad ninyo lang, eh di 6!!! * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * While hailing a taxicab in Makati: Erap: Magkano papuntang San Juan? Driver: Ikaw lang bang mag-isa? Erap: Bakit, di ka ba sasama? ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ May kasabihan ang mga matatanda maganda daw magpakasal sa panahon ng kabilugan ng buwan dahil may swerte daw. ngunit ngayon ang bagong henerasyon hindi na sa kabilugan ng buwan kundi sa kabilugan ng tiyan. +++++++++++++++++++++ Mahirap umamin na TAKEN kana, . . lalo na.. . . . . kung ang nag tatanong, e TYPE mo! +++++++++++++++++++++ "Isang araw mag kasama tayo sa Sea side, Sabi mo sa akin Saglit lang... Umalis ka, hinintay kita..... Dumaan ang ilang oras wala ka pa, Napaupo ako sa tabi.. Hinihintay parin kita, napaiyak ako sa tabi.. Hinihintay parin kita, Napaiyak ako kasi inakala kong iniwan mo na ako, Lumapit ka sa akinm pinunasan mo luha ko at sinabing.... "Sorry hah, akala ko okay ka lang kahit wala ako, di mo pala kaya???" Sabi ko... "ADIK kaba!!!! Nasa iyo ang pamasahi ko paano ako uuwi?? FEELER ka naman.. Akin na nga yan." +++++++++++++++++ TEACHER: Donald, what is the Chemical Formula for Water? DONALD: H I J K L M N O. TEACHER: What are you talking about? DONALD: Yesterday you said H to O. ++++++++++++++++ PARE1: BRAD! ano yung nabalitaan ko na under ka raw sa misis mo? PARE2: SINO AKO? eh kani-kanina lang sinigawan ko pa nga misis ko brad eh. PARE1: Ahh tsismis lang pala yun, Eh bakit mo pala sinigawan misis mo brad? PARE2: ah kasi yung misis ko brad sobra na, biruin mo Naghuhugas pa ako ng pinggan tapos pag lalabahin nanaman ako. TSK! ++++++++++++++++ Ang mga bagay na maaaring gawin ngayon ay maaari ding ipagpabukas, nang sa ganun hindi tayo mawawalan ng mga gawain sa mga susunod na mga araw. --JUAN TAMAD ++++++++++++++++ Juan: Birthday ng asawa ko. Pedro: Ano regalo mo? Juan: Tinanong ko kung ano gusto niya. Pedro: Ano naman sinabi? Juan: Kahit ano basta may DIAMOND. Pedro: Ano binigay mo? Juan: Baraha.
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