I'm inspired randomly from movies I've watched,books I've read and sometimes anything that I've read on FB,TUMBLR or any blog online.Discovering simple things sometimes gives me that incredible happiness and excitement like a child unwrapping a present. Among all those things that inspire me each day,the thought of going home excites me the most! This month,It's really such a perfect time for me for lots of reason.I don't even need to state the obvious why I'm dying to go home.Well,I'll state it anyway.Hahaha! JUST THE COLD WEATHER ALONE MAKES ME MISS HOME BADLY First of all,It was such a stressful tiring month for me and I badly needed break from work.This is some sort of yearly personal struggle on my end. Also,summer just started and the humid weather is killing me!Though the weather this year is better as compared to the previous years still,it doesn't feel good and just imagining the cold weather back home gives me that chill feeling and excitement! The real reason why I decided to go home is I'm hiding from a huge DEBT!Also,OLD AGE is reallly such a big deal.I really needed a good rest.Haven't slept in thousand years you see.Hahaha. Another big reason for me coming home this year is to find someone to marry because lots of people are being stressed of me being single at THIS POINT OF MY LIFE and they were actually scared I'm gonna grow OLD ON MY OWN.Poor them,it must be very stressful worrying TOO MUCH FOR ME.For the life of me,I should put up an advertisement that says "Wanted WIFE ". So I thought,I'm going to ditch one once I get home as a huge favor for those who are stressing over my single life but I got into an almost empty town instead!They are gone! Sorry,there's no marriage happening FOLKS because apparently,that person I was hoping to captivate wasn't there anymore. HOME AGAIN ! Well,this is the first time for as long as I can remember that I celebrated my birthday home with my family.It was overwhelming!Actually I just realize I've spent most of my savings like it was the last birthday I'll ever had.BUT NO REGRETS.I've spent too much but I don't care.It's the FAMILY BONDING that matters.Also,GIFTS.Monetary gifts.Hahaha When I was a little girl (yup,I use to be a little girl!)I always look forward excited to my birthday because of the GIFTS that comes along with it.(though I can't remember recieving any,hahaha).Now,it's totally different.Every birthday comes with a deep sigh and lots of self reflections.I could even write tons of songs for Adelle's next album! Anywho,other than thinking too much.It was such a lovely day.It was sunny that day and we went for swimming.I don't understand despite not being exposed under the sun,still the weather back home makes me darker than I already am but I like my skin tone anyway.I'm really dark but I realize I can still be darker everytime I go home. I think the clouds are too thick and quick to cover the sun everytime it tries to peek.And so I have my doubts to soak myself but I went in anyway. THE NIGHT BEFORE.... I'm surrounded with HUNKY GUYS in charged in the KITCHEN while I'm having PRINCESS TIME.I'm kidding,I was super busy that I almost forgot it's my birthday... PREPARATION... Okay,he's playing with the carrots! Just pretending he's helping :) San ka naman nakakita ng nagluluto ng SUMAN na naka BAG? Do you know what's on it? It's our CAT! My brother is such a cray cray ! Having a cat on the bag while cooking! CHOWTIME It's nothing fancy.Just simple meal for the family.Today,there's more than than one food group on the table for a change so we call it C-E-L-E-B-R-A-T-I-O-N. HIGHLIGHTS MY SISTER'S GRADUATION & FAMILY BIRTHDAY's I filed for a few days leave for March but it was unapproved so I ask my TL to cancel it and tried applying for April instead as I thought of celebrating my BIRTHDAY HOME for the first time.I feel bad not being able to go home during my sister's graduation but as they say,things really happen for a good reason.Come to think of,it was a huge blessing that it wasn't approve because If it did,there's so much inconveniences.I'm financially unsettled.The dates I filed for leave doesn't even cover my sister's graduation. PERFECT TIMING SCHEDULE WISE AND ACCRUALS I don't have enough PTOP credits to cover the days.When I applied for April,I had additional accruals.It was such a perfect time really because we just finished our bidding.And I went for a Sun-Mon RD for April.So I was literally on 3 days RD for the week and no one filed for PTOP on Tuesday and so I grabbed it.I asked my TL to squeeze the 9th as additional VL and thankfully,my TL is really superman because he managed to squeeze me last minute! See,how could I not be grateful with these things?! I NEED TIME OFF I was in the moment where I needed to clear my mind.Work wise,I'm so tired.Personally,I have been overly dramatic and snubb to people around me because I'm such a moody -pissy- pants.I feel really worn out.And these are few of the things that are really bothering me (apart from menstrual cramps and old age). All I need is a little distraction and long sleep in normal hours.Watching videos every week helped me managed for the past three months but this month,I'm starting to get bored and overly dramatic so I really needed space alone to refuel myself. ENVIRONMENT & RELAXATION I always go home for the weather and unpolluted atmosphere.Well,there's noise pollution from howling owls at night and mom's non stop scolding of my younger sisters.Other than that,everything is good.When I'm home,I feel NORMAL HUMAN BEING.I sleep on time.I eat three times a day on normal hours.I wake up early and peak on the window immediately just to watch the thick fog covering the sunrise.Or at times,it's usually rainy every afternoon,I feel like we are still in WINTERLAND and Summer didn't reach Kiangan.At night,I can feel the cold air and so in the morning.I just stayed there and just like that,9 days have already come to past! A MAN TRAVELS AWAY FROM HOME IN SEARCH OF HIS OWN HAPPINESS ONLY TO FIND IT HOME. My brother Noel just stayed home and was clean from alcohol for a few days.He's a bit dependent to alcohol but he managed to stay off for the sake of giving respect to me.It's heart warming to see my brothers really staying home while I'm there.Jovan was mostly drunk but when he gets home,he just sleep.Spencer & Gerner never really left my side the whole time I was home.I just enjoyed all my brother's company.They are not showy or good with words but their actions were enough for me to realize they missed and love me too. It's always a joy coming home.That's what I texted Spencer.My family is not good in displaying affection but they show it through their actions.My brother Gerner really served as my driver whenever I need to go down to buy something or needed something.Spencer really did his best to find GALIWGIWON for me but apparently,they are already out of season. My younger sisters Liz and Gem also were very excited to see me come home.How could not they when it means I have to treat them.Hahaha SWIMMING Everyone can but me?! Okay,maybe because I was the photographer and I went back all the way HOME because we forgot to bring RICE! And no one can survive the day without rice! (except me) and I return back just in time for this...I'm not envious! I'm extremely ENVIOUS because I can't even SWIM! Well,grown ups can show off but KIDS enjoyed the most! I was meaning to learn how to swim but I got insecure because even toddlers know how to swim.So I played "Catch me if you can with them instead".It's really tiring to be in the water in just a few minutes.I don't know but these kids had been in the pool for hours! I now get why swiming is one of the best forms of exercise! and for loosers like her :0 I celebrated my birthday in Bahawit Resort.Most of my siblings where there for the first time! (Mama and my stepfather included) I'm extremely happy.This had never happened before ever in our family.I really wish someday,we will do it again but hoping with all of my siblings.That's the thing.I'm sandwhich between two step fathers but I never feel outcast or unwelcomed.That's never an issue between me and my brothers and it's a blessing really.They love me more than THEMSELVES so...hahaha! AFTER AN HOUR,HUNGER STRIKES!GRAB A PLATE! OT ELSE... They POO while EATING and that's possible! Just kidding.This is just cute.They were in a hurry to finish their food so they can get back to the pool! That's how kids are.They spend hours and hours in the water yet still,NEVER GETS TIRED! KIDS.They are the cutest little thing... I picked some random kids and called them my own.I hope DSWD won't find me :) THINGS I'VE LEARNED ON FAMILY I guess,there's no family that doesn't have any single issue and that's make us so unique from each other.From time to time,we have our differences that escalated sometimes to hatred and anger.But at the end of the day,a family is a family.We might not like each other but we LOVE our family and that's the big difference. I can't believe it took 28 years for this to FINALLY happen and I'm the happiest birthday celebrant on earth ... I'm thankful because I'm now in good terms with my brother whom I have issues with for a long time! That's like thousand thorns uprooted in my heart :) FAMILY BONDING TIME MA'S LIFE STORY BREAKS ME... How could I demand something from her that she didn't get to experience? Of things she didn't have the chance to see and learn? How could I expect her to be more understanding and considerate and be less tight to things she's been holding on when all her life was all about survival? How could she have that life? How could I expect her to be more optimistic and open minded when her world is very restricted.She didn't get to experience what "LIVING " means.I cried real hard that afternoon when she told us her life story for the first time.I can't imagine how hard her life was.
MY FAVORITE MOMENT That time when Liz & I were helping her press the sunflowers she collected that day.And I asked her how it feels to be "kinikilig" during her time and she told us her love story.At first,we were laughing but in the end,I was crying.I was crying of her life.I stopped what I'm doing and I just cried.I have been demanding too much from her when In fact,I'm far way blessed in my life because I've got friends who care for me.I was always surrounded by compassionate loving people who provided all that care and warm embraces when I need one. That Friday afternoon,I forgot all my sentiments and I started thanking God.How could I want more when I'm suppose to give some to her so she'll get to experience it too? I feel so ASHAMED of my attitude.So ashamed.I demand so much from her when I have been blessed with so much in my life. If I could,I would take her to places she's never been.I'm tired of thinking about things I wanted.I promise myself today to dedicate my life to the last few years or hopefully decades of Mama's life.Hopefully,to create warm and happy memories with her while she's alive. At this point of my life,seeing Ma smile or laugh makes me really so happy.It's very rare to see her that way and I would do ANYTHING to hear her laugh or see her smile... IN MY PERSONAL LIFE & STRUGGLES As much as life can get real shitty and painful,it's also captivating and wonderful.I use to say life is unfair when I was still confined in my small world.When I get to go outside I realized I'm far more blessed in ways I didn't imagine. Just watching the sunset while it changes shapes and colors overwhelms me.When some stranger smiled at me and it makes me smile too.I have never had this kind of appreciation of small things before... Sometimes,I feel like I'm HIGH because there were moments when I wake up in the morning and I just feel so happy.I don't need a good morning text from a lover to make me smile.Or a family to prepare me a breakfast or don't have anyone to share my meals.OI don't have those things that usually most people have but I just feel happy... Of course, I have million issues growing older.Big pores in my skin.Facial problems.Fat and calorie issues.Imperfect body parts.Like really I can go on and on.I can pin point things in me and about me that I really don't like.That's the thing,I have no idea about how others feel about these but I think each of us has our own insecurities and fears each day.It just varies on how we respond to them.Probably,I don't see anything beautiful in me physically.Except my healthy internal organs.But people can't see it so I don't count it as my asset.But either or,this year I've gained more confidence and I actually don't care that much anymore. I have loved more than I have ever loved.I was in different levels of pain.I'm sometimes challenged in ways I thought I couldn't deal with.At the end of the day,It all points to one thing.That it gets better each time.Nothing is permanent.People come and go.Emotions changes from time to time.There's really nothing permanent that you could hold on to except your faith. There's really a huge improvement in me recently.There were moments were I'm being randomly overwhelmed.That feeling of ecstasy and adoration to small things.That appreciation and that thankfulness in my heart is endless and sometimes I just cry when I can take all of it.My passiveness and calmness.I don't know how I got here but it has something to do with changing my thoughts and surrounding myself with positive and lovely friend like VERMS. ON PEOPLE IN MY LIFE Every year,I never run out from "I hope you find the love of your life".Or get married already!What's really funny was they say these things out of good intention probably but they are unconsciously hurting my feelings by pointing out what's missing in my life according to society's demand.But since last year,I was never happier.My confidence has improved.My personal perceptions had changed a bit positively.It was also really challenging emotionally too as it was a roller coaster. ON TRAVELING One big thing I'm thankful about meeting Verms is having the same HODOPHILIC passion.Most of my travel experiences are mostly with her.I'm such a a sentimental woman who fear going out with others.Hahahaha! Our Puerto Galera in 2011.Our Tagaytay escapades.Climbing Mt Taal.Our Cebu-Bohol escapade.Our eat outs.Our massage and hair spa.And lastly,of course I brought her home to meet my family. I'm in love with the idea of travelling and I'm aiming to make more travels outside the country in a year or so.But I don't want to just travel for the sake of saying I went there.I wanted to experience.To immerse myself with the place and to really see it uniquely.... PLANS I suck in planning.That would explain why I never became a manager,or a housewife after 28 years.(I mean it in a good way:) I have so much things going on in my mind.It's just the execution part that's really challenging.Either it's so bright that It's blinding me or it's so dim that everything is a blur.But one this very clear,I wanted to go to school.Definitely. For now,sometimes society's demand is a huge pressure.Only if I allow them to affect me of course.Admittedly at times,I allowed unconsciously and that's where personal crisis starts.There's this worry,fear,insecurity,pain.Really,the list can go on and on. But,it takes really one to be strong and stand up against these pressures. As long as I'm at peace with myself.As long as I don't lose my faith in God.As long as I don't lose hope in humanity.As long as I'm free to live the life I wanted and how I wanted with a huge value for morality,then I think all is well.This is my birthday wish this year.Wisdom to balance things and not just blindly follow and agree with things that doesn't apply to me. I don't know but one thing that's clear,I'm so full of blessings.How could I keep on demanding things when my hands are full.I think it's about time to thank God for all the blessings and take the time to share them too. FUNNY CONVIE WITH MAMA Me: Ma,Here's Ginger Wine,wan't to taste it? Mama: What kind of Dangerous Drink is that?! Us: huh?! Noel: Ma,she said GINGER,not DANGER! (It took us really long time to realize,oh well.It's Ma everyone!) Thank you Lord for another year! I may not have much in life...YET...BUT..I have the best few people who loved me ever since and had been praying for me all throughout the years and that I'm ginormously thankful. To those who keep on telling me "pwede na ako magaasawa.I was supposed to.In fact,I went to shop myself a husband a week before but I got so distracted that I ended buying banana bread instead. And to those who genuinely remember me,GOD BLESS YOU IN RETURN.THOUSAND FOLDS...FOLD... Forget my grammers.It's the THOUGHT THAT COUNTS.
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Me trying to mingle an be a normal human being for once.
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