I have survived each day writing everything.It's like I am my own best friend.I would write everything and read it lots of times when I feel down.As weird as it sounds,I find comfort in my own diary.This is probably one thing that most of my friends don't understand but it's been part of who I am.I just love writing.I don't care if my pen craft is hard to read as long as I can read them.Well,sometimes I can't read my own hand writing! Anyway,I wrote things for myself.Whether it's an essay assignment at school,some random thoughts,my own song lyrics, quote I read on a book or anything I read that appeals,much to me,I copy them to my notebook.Sometimes,I memorize stuff from copying from one notebook to another. I never imagine writing is a job as a little girl.For me,writing is my biggest comfort.My diary notebook is my best friend and my safest haven.My mother would always wonder why I consume more notebooks than my classmates.I have kept tons of them not until I go to college and my mother went through my stuff and burned everything! My cards,my diary notebooks.My poems,all of it! I hated her that day! It's like she killed half of me.I have kept all those things for 15 years,only to be burned!Well,in her defense,she has no idea those notebooks means so much more to me.To her,it was my old notebooks with crappy hand writing and fading ink so she thought it doesn't matter anymore and burned them! It never stopped me from writing.In high school,I was into pen pal. I've made friends in Manila during my summer camp on my sophomore year.Writing a letter and waiting for their response is like accepting a present each day.I could not anticipate sometimes when I drop by at the post office to check my mail every week! I was not the popular girl nor have cool friends.I was pretty much on my own but I'm probably the most excited and inspired girl every time I'm expecting a letter. Back in the day,I could not afford special mail so I would always mail my letter ordinary for five pesos! I worked my ass out on weekends so I can have money to pay for the stamps!Those were the days when mobile phones didn't out phased pen pal. Anyway,I was in College and I didn't stop writing.I just can't stop.It's part of me.It's my immediate stress reliever.It's my secret vault where I can pour everything without being judge or hurting someone. Being exposed to the internet,I realized I can actually make a blog and much more to my surprise,writing is not limited to books,novels,poets or musician but it was much more than that. It was overwhelming to know that today,it offers so much in a broader sense.I was taking up B.S Psychology that time but I can't stop thinking how to make writing,my natural passion as my career! I started doing some research online and the result,I feel so incompetent.I thought I was pretty good at it but if I wanted to make it as my career,it requires other skills.Also,I found out that only UP DILIMAN & SILIMAN UNIVERSITY offer this course.My heart crushed. In order for me to take this forward,I obviously needed to learn some skills required to develop my passion into something.I have the will but I question my skill in this very competitive field of writing. I feel so small due to the fact that I only write for myself.I haven't really written something in a broader sense such as poverty,political issues,climate change.Anything for social awareness.I just don't have enough experience and exposure.I don't have that maturity yet,It scared me. So,I decided to forget that option and just continue writing for myself.I write everything down.I write to settle my rage.I write when I feel down.I write when I'm happy.I write when I feel silly.Pretty much,I prefer writing. As the world moves on,so is the power of internet.We now have social media.I'm getting more exposure and ideas about these things. I created this blog as personal stress reliever.It developed eventually into something I have never imagined it would be. Recently,I have been obsessed with witters of a show or what they call as show researchers.I love sitcoms.I love movies.I love watching tv series,but I can't help but wonder,what it's like for people behind those famous lines.People who are doing the research and writing for the show.I wonder what it's like to be a,script writer or researcher. I went on you tube and watch a documentary of how writers prepare and write the script of my all time favorite tv sitcom FRIENDS. After watching the documentary,my reaction was like that of Janice,only a lot more intense " oh,my God!!!" To us,it's easy to click the tv and watch.It's even easy to shamelessly pirate the videos online.But after watching the preparations made to deliver a 22 minutes show in a live audience and also to tape them for tv,It made me feel exhausted.How could you tape something for 12 hours or more then you have to cut it into a 22 minutes show! Show has writers who almost live in the studio,rerunning,rephrasing,changing the script.All these writers must have something to contribute to create the script.The thing is,if you're not in the mood to write,no matter what you do,you just can't write.But these guys are running the most famous sitcom and they have to come up with fresh ideas every time they meet to complete the script.What's more challenging? If you're the head writer and you have to collect 12 opinions to work as one! After cups of coffee,the actors will have a dry run.Then they will perform with live audience.But all throughout,the writers should watch and listen attentively and comprehensively while filming.In between takes,changes were made such as how the line's gonna be delivered,was the line too blunt or too offending? Was it funny? Did the story sound alright? If not,they have to sit together again and fix the line.Re write the whole thing until the producers,head writers and audience are satisfied. I have no idea how much pressure is there as a writer. That I'm not sure if I can imagine myself on that field.I don't have that headstrong personality.Maybe I need to work on that first. So maybe,I'll just get back to writing for myself.
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This happens when I try to rest my mind but I keep thinking and I seem to keep remembering what I have been thinking and I ended writing them.
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