DON'T YOU EVER DARE GIVING UP Have you ever thought nothing mattered anymore? That you are worthless and nothing but a series of failure? Have you ever experienced too small for this world and felt like you basically got nothing? Nothing to live for? Or have you ever woke up one day and you still feel so tired that you wanted to get back and sleep forever? Or where there days that you just feel empty,hopeless and just depressed without knowing where to start and how to sort all the tangles in your life? I have.Just this year,I have felt these things but I tried to be fine in the eyes of many of course because no one would like to talk to the most problematic person in this whole wide world.But,It was just a phase.If there's one thing that I learned this year,it's that art of PATIENCE AND PERSEVERANCE.
I would like to talk about one major FRUSTRATION that I have been carrying for the past few years-not being able to finish college.My situation is very hard and complicated enough that I have to find a job but then,it took me 7 years to get back to school again... The last time I was in school was in 2007. After which,I have struggled personally and financially so I was forced to stop my studies, look for a full time job with the hopes of returning back ASAP. Didn't happen. The time between 2007-2012 was the toughest of times for me.I struggled between securing myself a job and trying to get back to school and same time trying to survive city life.When I attempted to go back to school somewhere in 2010, I was told " I AM NOT A PRIORITY ANYMORE" because of my complicated situation- a working irregular student.According to the Dean that I've spoke with from my university,he told me it's kinda the new rule.Full fresh graduate students are priorities.I know there are so many Colleges to chose from but I'm very particular with the University.It felt like the whole building collapse on me! I was so angry and hopeless at that time that no explanation mattered.I cried thinking about the " what if's" and " I wish I had a supportive family" drama. I decided to ask the university to release me. In between 2010-2012 ,I went University hunting.But the drama got a lot worse including family stuff and my situation got more complicated and so I just concentrated working and never getting back to school. I tried applying to another University in 2013 for the last time and I was put on hold as an option for the same reason.I came to a point where I almost GAVE UP and accept the fact that maybe,it's not for me. But I really wanted to finish what I've started in College.And I realized I'm already too old to be in a normal class setting but I cannot rest my mind out of it.I love the degree I chose and I really enjoyed my course.I can't help thinking going back to school so I decided to give another try this year searching degrees opened for working adults.I have spent so much time checking other options online offered for working people like me.I just feel awkward getting back to school surrounded by kids so I opted for online studies as it's more suitable for me.I cannot find any University online that offers BS PSYCHOLOGY but one time,I was scrolling my FB page and saw a post from my friend Mich about her going back to school.I got interested so I've messaged her,thank God I saw her post.I was late for First Semester but I tried applying for second semester.Through her assistance,I tried my luck.I've passed all my requirements and haven't heard from them in weeks.I was pretty much concerned because second semester already started and I have no idea if I have a chance of being admitted in their University. I tried to make few follow ups but I was told it's still on queue.Last week,my brother texted me if I was already enrolled and well,to be honest I seriously thought it's hopeless but still I've made a follow up.A day after,I have received the good news,I was admitted!!!! To others,they might think I'm overly dramatic but I don't care.People who really know me since childhood knew how much I struggled to get myself to school even if it means I have to go through child labor to pay my own tuition fee in highschool until college so going back to school is a big thing really for me. So I decided to share my life story online because I wanted to share the lesson of perseverance and the lesson to really never ever give up. To students who are fully supported by their parents,be thankful enough and study hard.Have fun but draw the line of respecting your parents effort in working hard to support you.Be responsible and decent enough to repay them in a good way-good grades.You have no idea how much priviledged you are.There are so many kids out there who have to work their ass off just so they can pay their tuition fees. To kids who grew up from broken homes,this is a direct message for you to never give up.Sure,there's nothing worse than being surrounded by tons of shitty things.Friends can easily say it's ok,you'll be ok but they don't have any idea how hard it is having to balance things out.Like you're trying to drag yourself from the hellish pit of family drama and daily arguments than non might not be able to understand how painful and frustrating it is. As someone who grew up from a very complicated family situaton,I used it to formulate my dreams at a very young age.I created a clear vision of my future and by doing so I have to protect myself and really persevere until I get there.It helped me when I feel like giving up.Everytime I wanted to rebel and give up all together,I keep imagining how my future be like and so I gathered all my strength and continue my journey finding ways on how to survive and learning to be self reliant. To parents and friends who knew someone who needs encouragement,don't ever turn your back on them.You have no idea,there's no distinct size when it comes to kindness.There's no big or small when it comes to good deeds.And when you show kindness,care and affection,you gave something that can't ever be repaid exactly and in return,that person will always remember what you did and will do the same thing. I have been surrounded by supportive passionate churchmates and friends.They have craddled me,welcomed me.Patiently nurtured me.Tried to break me open so I can see the world in a different sense.I was protected,cared and nourished til I can manage on my own.But no matter how far I've gone,there's always these days when I sit in my room and remember those kindness and love.I remember them in my prayers.I remember them in certain situations.And because of them,they inspire me to always be kind and caring.No matter how difficult,always display kindness because it's how I survived the cruel world. SO DON'T YOU DARE GIVING UP.I promised,things get better.There's a time for everything says in Ecclesiastes.A time for everything.And just as we have our darkest days,we also have our good days.Just as we have the worse nightmares,we have beautiful surprises.Life is always a surprising little package each day.So don't you ever give up.The fact that you made it this far and you are still breathing today is a already a reminder how strong you are. What more if you have a God you believe in? God whom you believe He is bigger than all your troubles? If faith can move mountains...If God does miracles... If you have faith in Him,what more is there to fear or worry about? If you have faith in Him? You will never ever lose hope because you have a God bigger than your troubles. Don't you dare giving up.Things will get better,I promise...
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This happens when I try to rest my mind but I keep thinking and I seem to keep remembering what I have been thinking and I ended writing them.
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