man (PRAYING): Dear God,how long is one second to you?
God: a million hours equaivalent to human time! Man: How much is a cent to you? God: a billion dollars! Man: can I have a cent? God: Just one second. - (shared by Uncle Barum ,an Israeli speaker)
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In a business party held at a gentleman's club in London,an Englishman notice a Japanese alone .The Englishman thought maybe the Japanese can't speak English so he approached the Japanese and introduced himself.
Then he said, " Today,since I can see that you are a visitor here,I'm going to teach you some basic English" .The Englishman took the spoon and fork and said, "on my left hand,this is "forkie" and on my right hand is called "spoonie.Then he pointed at the knife and said," that is a knifie" and the big round one is called "platie". The Japanese just nodded at him and smiled.Then everone's attention was called so they can introduce their keynote speaker for the evening.The Englishman was so surprised when he found out the Japanese is their keynote speaker for the evening. The Englishman man was so surprised when the Japanese started speaking in fluent English.After his speech,the Japanese approached the Englishman and said "hey,you like my speechie?!" A man was desperately in need of a job so he accepted the job at the circus.All he needed to do is to wear the gorilla suit,do some circus tricks and eat all the bananas that tourists will be feeding him.He tought it was easy so he accepted the offer.
While doing one of his tricks, a bunch of kids was impressed so they started feeding him.He ate everything until his stomach churned.He felt dizzy and fell on the LION's den.He was so scarred and ran as fast as he could asking for help when someone grab him by the foot and said,"wag ka maingay,baka pareho tayong mawalan ng trabaho".` (all stories shared by Kuya Marlon in one of his preachings ) A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl.
Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well. One day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him. The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions: Have you any grounds? Yes, an acre and half and nice little home. No, I mean what is the foundation of this case? It made of concrete. I don't think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge? No, we have carport, and not need one. I mean what are your relations like? All my relations still in Poland. Is there any infidelity in your marriage? We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player. Does your wife beat you up? No, I always up before her. Is your wife a nagger? No, she white. Why do you want this divorce? She going to kill me. What makes you think that? I got proof. What kind of proof? She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read, and it say: ~~~Polish Remover~~~ Once upon a time there was a Prince who, through no fault of his own was cast under a spell by an evil witch. The curse was that the Prince could speak only one word each year. However, he could save up the words so that if he did not speak for a whole year, then the following year he was allowed to speak two words. (This was before the time of letter writing or sign language.)
One day he met a beautiful princess (ruby lips, golden hair, sapphire eyes,) and fell madly in love. With the greatest difficulty he decided to refrain from speaking for two whole years so that he could look at her and say "my darling". But at the end of the two years he wished to tell her that he loved her. Because of this he waited three more years without speaking (bringing the total number of silent years to 5). But at the end of these five years he realized that he had to ask her to marry him. So he waited ANOTHER four years without speaking. Finally as the ninth year of silence ended, his joy knew no bounds. Leading the lovely princess to the most secluded and romantic place in that beautiful royal garden, the prince heaped a hundred red roses on her lap, knelt before her, and taking her hand in his, said huskily, "My darling, I love you! Will you marry me?" And the princess tucked a strand of golden hair behind a dainty ear, opened her sapphire eyes in wonder, and parting her ruby lips, said: . . . . . . scroll down............. . Well, guess what she said .......... . . .......come on, guess what could she have . . . said.... . . ......well, she said....... . . . . "Pardon?" (shared by Rogen 12.26.13) stahscre4m:
there are guys in my dorm who decided to play cards in the elevator see what intrigues me about college isn’t the intellectual pursuit or the bonding or whatever, its the fact that people have the freedom to do random shit like this Okay, everybody, I have a story about random shit in college. When I was in college, there was a particular class I took where, no matter what time you walked into class, if you made it into the room before the professor, you wouldn’t be counted late. I mean, that’s a pretty cool policy, given how some professors are really obnoxious about attendance. Well, one time, a fellow student of mine was running late to class. As she reached the edge of the building, she saw her professor making it to the front steps (super long rectangular building here). He looks up from walking and he sees her. He then points to his watch, gives her a well-meaning “Look who’s late” face, and walks on inside. What he didn’t know, though, was that this particular student was like freakishly good at bouldering and related climbing skills, so she was just like “Fuck it” and SCALED THE BUILDING! She tapped on the window of the 4th floor classroom (the floors had like 20ft ceilings, so, she was quite a ways up there), nearly making one student piss himself. They opened the window, she rolled through, onto the floor, and slid into her seat about five seconds before the professor opened the door to the classroom. He did a double take, started to say “How the hell d—” when a security guard ran in, red-faced and panting, pointed at her and bellowed “STOP DOING THAT!” |
This is where I put all the articles shared to me that have inspired me in a huge way hoping it would be an INSPIRATION to you too!
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